My Fair Lady
by MisfiredSynapse
Summary: "I'll date one girl for six faithful months, and turn her from peasant to princess at the same time," Sirius exclaimed. At that particular moment, I realised that he was still staring. At me. Oh, Bollocks. *SBOC, eventual RLOC, JPLE*
1. One

**My Fair Lady**

Falca Evergreen is just your typical teenage witch who doesn't care for popularity or socialising. She'd rather be reading a thick book curled up by the fire with an endless supply of chocolate sultanas and a faux mink blanket.

But when two of the Marauders unexpectedly take an interest in her, it changes her life and suddenly she's gone from unknown to celebrity overnight. What are their real motivations, though? Is the affection they show real, or just part of a stupid schoolboy dare that's bound to break Falca's innocent heart?

-prologue-

I don't know what possessed them to do it, but I do know I still wish they hadn't. Sure, it had started out novel, a real hoot for them and for me. I had enjoyed the attention, I really had. Enjoyed being noticed for once, kind of like how I imagine Clark Kent would feel in his Superman costume, or Peter Parker in Spiderman. It was good to be seen in the hallways instead of trampled, good to have a decent seat saved during meals and Quidditch and class. Good to have people know that I wasn't just a piece of furniture, and it was good to know that I could, and _do, _look quite pretty if I put a bit of effort into it.

But things changed pretty quickly, in retrospect. Now it's just a kick in the teeth to see them walk right by me (we're back to the whole fly-on-the-wall thing, like we were before), to hear the latest gossip and know better than the girls who are gossiping that the rumours are either true or as fake as the skanks spreading them. I wish I had seen through the two of them earlier, wish I'd listened to the voice in my head telling me the truth, the slap with every compliment they paid me. I wish I'd stayed in bed that evening instead of indulging my fire-side reading fantasies. I wish I knew then what I know now, go back and do it all over again. Most of all... I wish it didn't hurt so bloody bad.

See, it all started with the arrival of the latest in a series of books I'd been following, the _Lord of the Rings _series. I'd read the first one, _Fellowship of the Ring, _on a whima while ago and had been eagerly awaiting one of my parents to send me the second and third. One upside of having divorced parents is the fact that I never want for anything much, as they're always trying to one-up each other and buy my love. I don't take advantage of it, usually, but I'm a sucker when it comes to literature.

Anyway, after screaming into my pillow with utter delight and dancing around the mercifully empty dorm like a complete raving lunatic, I took the shiny new book down to the Common Room (stroking the spine like it was a puppy... or something Hagrid put on his recommendation list), deciding that I'd much rather curling up near the fire while I read. It's warmer, and makes me feel mildly sociable. I found my usual place, a soft and comfy armchair pretty much hidden from the view of anyone who wasn't directly looking and tugged out my wand, illuminating the first page as I threw myself into the book with my heart and soul.

It may be a bit weird, but when I read, it's not just the words that fly before my eyes. Well, technically it is, but in my head I _am _the main character. I'm the heroine, the beauty-queen, the fearless warrior, the princess, the girl getting her happy ending. I'm beautiful when I read; I don't wear glasses, my hair isn't a tangle of brown curls (imagine Sirius Black and James Potter's hair rolled into one, now multiply that by ten, and you're getting close), I'm not a frumpy little invisible nobody. When I read, my head becomes a stage and it's there I really come into my own, where my talents really shine. Well, there and in the empty classrooms on the fourth floor, between the Divination staircase and the Astronomy one.

I had to keep one finger firmly pressed against the bridge of my nose to keep my glasses up, as they continually were repulsed from my face. I could've used a sticking charm but I was a little sensitive when it came to eyes and using magic around or on them, probably due to the fact that I was hopelessly blind without my glasses. The other hand turned the pages of the book propped against my linen-clad knees and slowly fed the quickly summoned chocolate sultanas into my mouth, one at a time. Despite the noise of my fellow Gryffindors, that was as close to heaven as I'll ever be, curled up in my chair with a book, chocolate and nobody who would ever dream of interrupting me.

I'm a very simple girl, with simple needs. Always have been. I guess that comes from my parents divorcing when I was four; since they're both fairly high-up in the Ministry's Untouchable ranks, they're often away from days on end doing Merlin-doesn't-know-what and I'm shunted between family members. It makes you pretty self-reliant for everything, though, which is always a good thing. I'm proud to say that I'm the only witch in my dormitory who can knit a sweater in under four hours, and do it the Muggle way too.

So engrossed was I in the book (and my own random thoughts that had nothing to do with what I was actually reading) that I didn't even hear the entrance of the Marauders, which I would later learn had been spectacular and record-breaking and awe-inspiring and so loud that it startled birds from their nests in Bristol. According to Captain Immaturity himself (Sirius, for those who don't know who I'm on about, and if you're one of those, where have you _been?)._

I began to take slight notice when Sirius and James began arguing loudly, over a girl as far as I could tell. Sirius had cheated on one of his girlfriends again, and James was sick of being the good-guy and picking up the pieces. Sirius was furious and declared primly that he _could too _be committed to one girl for longer than seven days, and his gaze swept the Common Room for prey. I wasn't usually one to take much interest in what the 'Royals' of Hogwarts got up to, unless something I would possibly run into would explode under my feet. Even then, I honestly could say I didn't care. It just didn't bother me- sure, James and Sirius were and are fit, Remus is sort of cute and Peter's like a plushie rabbit you just want to squeeze- but they just weren't the constant source of juicy gossip for me as they were for other girls. Probably because I didn't have anyone to gossip with.

Now, I've been told (by numerous people, so it's not just me) that I have a certain gift for Divination. It's just as well I'm effortlessly good at something; makes up for all the things I have to struggle and strive for. This gift came in rather handy at that moment as it gave me all of three seconds' warning that I might want to try harder at being invisible.

So, Sirius was scouring the room for his next ex-girlfriend, as far as I- and the adoring, begging looks of the rest of Gryffindor's female population- could tell. I _nox'd _my wand and shrank in the arm chair, relying on the upholstery to blend in with me and keep me safe from the prying eyes of Sirius Black, Woman Charmer Extraordinaire. I needed his popularity like I needed a hole in the head, and I wanted it even less. I made it through six and a bit years of social obscurity in that school- why change with eight months to go before graduation?

Sirius Black's cool grey eyes swept easily over the girls jostling to be in his line of sight, over me too and I let out a breath of relief, lowering the book away from my face in the belief that I was safe. It was only the collective gasps of shock from the girls that alerted me to the fact that Sirius Black was now staring at someone in particular, nodding and smiling to himself in a way that showed he was interested. I looked up, mildly interested to see which bimbo had caught the infamously roving eye of the self-proclaimed man-whore Sirius Black.

"I'll do one up you, Prongs," he said to James, using one of the silly nicknames I'd never understood. Nobody ever understood the Marauders, and I've been told that's part of their charm. I'll tell you now, it's not charming at all when you're part of them and still don't understand every second word, and they refuse to tell you anything 'for your own good'. "I'll date _one_ girl for six months, and turn her from peasant to princess at the same time."

At that particular moment, my heart sank as I realised that he was still staring.

At me.

Oh, Bollocks.


	2. Two

Because I only ever want to write this once: Harry Potter and all things you recognise: not mine. Falca Evergreen (and her family, when we meet them) are mine.

*Smiles real big and smug-like*

**My Fair Lady: Chapter One**

I shrank into my seat as Sirius Sodding Black skipped across the Common Room and sat his impossibly cute arse on the arm of my chair. Merlin, let him go away, let him realise who he's practically proposed to and change his mind, don't let him be serious, please Merlin, please...

"So, what do you say, love?" he asked, arm over my shoulders as he forced me to look at him. I made a very undignified sound in the back of my throat that- to me, at least- sounded a bit like _'screw you, Merlin'. _"You want to be my girlfriend?" Sirius Sodding Black continued, his grey eyes simmering at me as he stuck out his bottom lip in a ridiculous half-pout. At this point, if I were any other female in the room, I would have gasped and dropped my pants for him right then and there.

Since it was unashamedly awkward and slightly prudish me, I screwed up my nose in slight disgust. I'd seen the way he treated girls while he was with them- why should he treat me any different? Merlin, he wanted a reply... don't let me say anything stupid, _please _let me sound mildly witty and clever... "Do I look that desperate?" Yes! Merlin, you're not quite as horrible as I thought- my not-so-brilliant mind just managed to come up with something halfway funny!

Sirius stared at me blankly for the comment, his mouth dropping open and showing me the last few clingy bits of steak he'd had for dinner. It occurred to me then that anything relating to the world of rejection wouldn't have crossed the High-And-Mighty-Black's path before, but I didn't elaborate as I slunk from the Common Room, my book clutched to my chest and my glasses slipping down my nose and my knees ready to cave in.

Every pair of eyes in the entire bloody place followed me as I crossed the Common. I could almost hear people thinking the same thing- _who the sod is she? _I probably looked as out-of-sorts as I felt as I disappeared up the stairs and into the dorm. Sod Sirius' pride and his stupid sodding bet, I thought angrily. Who did he think I was? Another tart willing to fall for his charms, be used, and be happy about it? Did he truly believe himself so irresistible that anybody would just go along with whatever he had in mind? Oh, he was fit, that much I'll give him. So fit that it was hard to look at him without my self-esteem taking a steep dive off a cliff.

Sirius had that easy confidence quality that made him popular even though his jerk-ish personality often shone through. He could be a bit of a snob, particularly when a girl didn't meet his standards of rakish, beautiful and easy. His Quidditch-toned body- particularly those biceps- made him look like Michelangelo's _David _had suddenly woken up one day and thought 'sod this, I'm off to be Sirius Black'.

All the Marauders were, in their own way, fit. James Potter was pretty self-explanatory. Unless you've been living under a rock for the past twenty years, you can't _not _know who James Potter is- that's just to give you an idea of how well-known he was and will become. The glasses gave him a softer look than Sirius, but the moment James Potter decided to strut about the Common Room in his tighty whiteys, cor he was sexy!

Peter Pettigrew... well, he was different from the others and I sometimes got the feeling they only included him to keep him quiet about their rule-breaking. Peter wasn't handsome like James or Sirius or even Remus Lupin, but Peter had a kind-hearted personality that was heart-winning as the other three when they smiled. I had once witnessed Peter's girlfriend Jackie slipping on the ice in third year. Peter, despite being deathly terrified of ice skating, slid across and slung his arm around her, helping her hobble off to the Hospital Wing.

And finally, Remus Lupin. Aloof, mysterious, wicked smart but rubbish at Potions (and, may I say, he absolutely sucks at Quidditch) and as handsome as any of the other three. Remus is enigma to most girls and, like most girls, I often forgot he was even part of the bat-shit crazy Marauders until he spoke.

Okay, so maybe I _did _follow them a bit. Kinda hard not to when every other conversation is centred around Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. I've never been good with gossip, gossiping or gossipers, but sometimes when you're a fly on the wall you overhear things you're not sure you want to hear at all. One of the pains of sharing a dorm with four other girls, three of whom would most likely scream my ears off when they recover enough to climb the stairs.

They- Mary, Alice and Jackie- were die-hard Sirius fangirls, despite Alice being in an on-again-off-again relationship with the recently graduated Frank Longbottom and Mary had just come off a bad break-up with Amos Diggory over in Hufflepuff and Jackie was Peter's ex-girlfriend. I didn't understand why they were so taken with Sirius Black; sure, good-looking and he probably had his sweet moments when there was no crowd to please, but not exactly what I was looking for in a boyfriend.

To be frank, right off the bat; I wasn't looking. At all. Nope, I was single and happy for it. My books were the only lovers I needed, I figured that all that lovey-dovey stuff would come later on, after school. I'd seen even the Great Lily Evans lose marks while she dated Mathew Rogers in Ravenclaw.

I drew the curtains around my bed and tied my wand with a piece of fishing wire to the top of the posts, lighting it with a whispered word as I flopped on my stomach and cocooned myself in the faux mink blanket Mum brought me last Christmas. It was insanely warm and soft and lovely, with the Gryffindor Crest embroidered on the front in glistening gold and red. It was probably the finest thing I owned, that blanket,and the only thing I ever whined and nagged my Mum to buy.

She said no, repeatedly, then took off to Argentina for some conference of a tribe of Animagi who lived in the Amazon. The day she left, a package arrived with three owls and inside was the blanket. I love my Mum, when she's not trying to push me into the Animagi-Research side of the Untouchables.

I heard the door open vaguely, and the hushed voices of my dorm-mates as they tried to keep their conversation quiet.

"Do you think she's sleeping?" Mary whispered, a chorus of hums answering her instantly. I froze and prayed they wouldn't come to check- I am rubbish at faking sleep, I twitch and blither and generally set a torch to the illusion. I can't lie- it's a curse. "I'm going to check," Mary said again and my head fell to thud against the open pages of my book.

Bollocks.


	3. Three

Sleep eluded me that night, partially due to the fact that I had decided to flee the dormitory for the Common and curled up in my armchair after pushing it even further into the shadows. The fire went out somewhere around midnight and I didn't have my wand, so it remained out and I quickly started to freeze. I wasn't brave enough to go back up to the dormitory until I was sure that Mary, Alice and Jackie had all departed for breakfast. Lily had come up midway through their brutal interrogation which included reminding me that I should be _flattered _that Sirius had chosen me of all people, that I ought to have _jumped _at the chance to be his girlfriend.

When I finally had enough and stormed out of the room wand-less and book-less and blanket-less, I hadn't known just how uncomfortable a cold Common Room was. I never had a reason to not sleep in my bed at school before, because I usually just shut the curtains and stuck them together with a charm. I couldn't do that now, since Mary had 'accidentally' _vanished _them and forgotten how to bring them back.

Bitch.

As the dawn sun made it's slow progress across the sky, I crept back upstairs for my book and, yawning, trudged down to the Great Hall in time for the first lot of tea to be placed before me. I usually didn't eat breakfast- I preferred to go for a run then snack on fruit during lessons- but tea sounded bloody fantastic with the state I was in.

"Evergreen!" a voice shouted from somewhere ahead. My head snapped up- who on earth would be a) crazy enough to be awake before the sun and b) care to call my name? I regretted responding as I caught sight of Gryffindor's Quidditch team filing in, muddied and bloodied- in a few cases- and claiming the best seats at the breakfast table. The voice that was calling to me, however, had managed to not be muddied or bloodied, and he was bounding my way with his broomstick over his shoulders. "Hey, you're up early for a Thursday!" Sirius remarked, flinging his arm around my shoulder.

I could barely suppress a laugh of incredulity- he must have been at least halfway serious in wanting me to be his 'girlfriend', or he wouldn't have bothered to remember my name. "I'm always up around this time," I responded pleasantly, calmly extracting my body from his grip. I don't know how he managed it but he still smelt good, even after training. What an uppity swot.

"I haven't seen you," Sirius told me as he steers me- without touching, he's apparently a fast learner- towards a seat beside him and handed me a cup of tea. I was, at that point, about ready to accept a cuppa from a Slytherin so I took a cautious sip, and was pleasantly surprised that Sirius and I had similar tastes in regards to tea sweetness- which is to say, no sugar and just a dash of milk.

"Perhaps that's because I'm not worth seeing," I replied at length, my stomach growling despite all my best efforts to eliminate breakfast from my menu. Giving in, I reached for the bacon and eggs and quickly threw them together on my plate. Sirius gave me a sidelong look as he copied my selection, and multiplied it by three.

As he arranged his food on his plate, he shook his head at me. "You don't really believe that, do you?" he asked quietly, and I nodded, completely unaware that the look on his face was suddenly not happy-go-lucky, but serious. Excuse the pun. "Evergreen, hey, I'm sitting here full of regret for not seeing you sooner, and you think you're not worth it?"

I shot him a slightly dark look and ate in silence, grateful when Sirius seemed to give up his hope for conversation. He had so much more food than me, which enabled me to escape quickly as Lupin and Pettigrew slunk in from the doors, yawning and rubbing their tired eyes. As I scuttled for the door, I heard one of them ask-

"Who is it this week then, Sirius?"

I didn't stick around for the response. He probably didn't even know my first name anyway, and there's not a chance in hell of me ever changing my stance on the status of my relationship with Sirius Black. Which is to say: we don't have one. Ever.

Arithmancy was my first class for a Thursday, a grace period as I shared it with a bunch of Ravenclaws who never tried very hard for conversation. Lupin was with me too, but he and I had barely exchanged more than 'have you got a spare quill?' in the entire two years of taking the class together.

"Evergreen! Oi!" Sirius came to a skidding halt beside me, slightly out of breath and lightly flushing as he stuffed his hands in his pocket and skulked along with me. I hadn't slowed down or even stopped, and had no intention of stopping until I was safely inside the room full of books and learning, things that Sirius Black would never rate very high on his List of Important Things. "What'd you run away for?" he asked me finally, sounding quite amused and borderline smug.

I shrugged. "Nothing to stay for."

"What class have you got?" he asked, clearly desperate for conversation.

I simply shrugged again; I've never been good at small talk, which is probably why I've never made any friends. I have permanent foot-in-mouth syndrome. "Arithmancy."

Sirius ballooned his cheeks as he took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling passing above us. Whether he was praying for an escape- not that it would be hard, all he had to do was turn around, and _walk away- _or praying for inspirational conversation- again, not hard, all he had to do was turn around, and _walk away- _I couldn't tell.

"Are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend?" he asked finally, me stopping in front of the Arithmancy classroom to try and dissuade him from hanging around any longer. It was quite awkward, walking in silence when there was clearly a need to say something. I've never had it easy, speaking to strangers, and add onto the fact that I've heard Sirius complaining and gossiping loudly in the Common, it makes it quite difficult for me to think of something smart and un-gossip-worthy to say.

Not that my attempts at avoiding gossip would do me any good. As Sirius and I stood there, me staring at him with my mouth acting like a fish, my feet shuffling and my hair slowly standing up to frizzy attention and him looking like _Michelangelo's _David, all chiselled and perfect and sporty, the rest of my class arrived and I caught the general gist of what they were saying.

"_What's he with her for? She's such a lunatic! Bet she slipped him a love potion..."_

My blood boiled. I have never minded what people said about me but the insinuation that I needed the help of magic to get people to like me- forget the fact that Sirius was only interested because of his and James' stupid dare- made me beyond angry.

And then, I did the first in a long line of things I'd regret doing in front of Sirius Black. I opened my mouth. "First of all," I began, one hand on my hip and the other holding up my index finger for those who couldn't count, "If you've got something to say, then say it." I took an intimidating step forward, my foot caught on my robes, and I pitched forward with my books scattering before me.

The bricks looked quite cool as my head approached them... and then I realised that I was no longer falling.

A pair of arms were around my waist, heaving me to my feet again and holding me against someone's perfectly toned chest as a voice said into my ear; "Easy, tiger."

I turned around in this person's grip and found myself nose-to-nose with Sirius Black.

Oh, Bollocks.


	4. Four

-four-

Sirius and I stared at one another, me wishing I could've hit the floor and blacked out for a bit to spare me this humiliation, and Sirius looking as though he couldn't be more amused by my lack of co-ordination. Fantastic.

"I knew you'd fall for me eventually," he quipped. I glared at him, my humiliation instantly overruled by a sense of burning anger that was rivalled only by the irritation I felt towards the idiot girls who were talking about me behind my back. Now, normally I'm fairly quiet and shy, but I can't stand overconfident and arrogant people.

Sirius Black just happened to be one of those people. "I'm not falling for you, Black," I spat, wrestling out of his grip and flapping my robes about like some great, oversized bat. I imagine I looked quite a sight, but really didn't care- points for Falca. "Now if you don't mind, I've got Arithmancy. Goodbye." With that, I flounced into class ahead of the teacher, found my seat and buried myself behind my books.

The rest of the class filed in, shooting me furtive looks of mildly veiled contempt or interest. I couldn't blame them, really; I'd be interested too, if I were them and watching this development of events from the outside. But those on the inside- namely, me- found it intensely irritating and wished they'd all move on to the next scandal. Wasn't someone in Hufflepuff dating a Slytherin? Why doesn't that generate as much press and intrigue as Sirius' interest in me did?

It's not like he wanted me for me. He simply wanted a girl so he could win his stupid bet with Potter, and since the bet involved him sticking with _one _girl and he'd committed himself to _me, _I was acutely aware of how unlikely it would be for me to get rid of him. I sincerely hoped, however, that if I kept up a cold and uninterested exterior he'd back the heck off and let me get on with my life.

"Miss... err... you there, in Gryffindor!" called the professor, and my head snapped up. I was the only Gryffindor he could refer to as 'Miss', since Lupin was most definitely not a girl. I noticed his lips twitching in amusement as I shrank away from our hook-nosed professor's advance until I was leaning back as he leaned in. "I've asked you three times to open your book to page _one hundred and forty three. _Is there something on your mind that is more... _pressing _an issue?"

I swallowed and couldn't help but notice Lupin smirking, still diligently copying down his notes while I quickly fanned through the pages of my book to find the correct page. "No, sir," I said meekly, dropping my gaze to stare forlornly at the topic header. One which, I realised with an internal groan, I would have trouble with; Subdividing internal vectors of prime numbers to form Potions movements for a Draught of Living Death. I am _rubbish _at Potions. Bollocks.

The professor stalked away to bark at a pair of Ravenclaw girls who were whispering fervently behind my hand and I swept my gaze across the room, trying to see if anyone looked friendly enough for me to approach after class. It was hopeless, and one of the drawbacks of being invisible. Nobody looked my way, but the two girls the professor had been giving a telling off shot me particularly nasty glares. Fangirls, clearly. Stupid airheaded bitches.

In hindsight, that was probably just a little bull-headed of me but my mood was not conducive to being a doormat. I was not in the mood for shit, either directed at me or around me. Sirius Black has a lot to answer for in that respect. Finally, I decided to shift closer to Lupin, three seats away, and take my chances with him. At least, as a Gryffindor, he'd be slightly more accessible than the Ravenclaws.

"Hey," I whispered, seating myself nervously beside him. I'd left all my things over at my original desk as I didn't plan on sitting anywhere else for more than the very immediate future. Lupin sighed a little and raised his eyebrows, his quill still moving across the page at a ridiculous speed. How could he know so much about internal vectors already? We'd only been studying them a week! I took my cue from the corners of his mouth tilting downwards almost imperceptibly, and ploughed on with my question anyhow. "Could you explain this first question for me?"

Lupin set his quill down and looked at what I was pointing out, making a show of tugging over his own neatly completed work to run his finger up the page, looking for the question and making me feel quite the idiot. He'd finished the work, clearly before the class had even begun, and I hadn't had the mind to do the homework- researching internal vectors. "It's quite simple, really," Lupin began, tugging my page to a more central position and raising his erasable quill. "All you have to do is divide the volume of potion, in litres, that you are brewing, by the days that it needs to be sitting. If it's under a moon, you add a three, if it's under the sun, you add two. If it needs artifical light- wandlight, witchlight, firelight- you add one, and if it's in a dark room with _no _light, you add zero. See?"

I stared at him, hoping he'd read the blankness of my face correctly. He read over my question, and my class notes, before smiling to himself and tapping where I'd written down a few numbers the day before. I followed his gaze and found the brewing conditions- _twenty-three litres, forty-five days, under a moon for ten and the sun for the rest. _"Okay, thanks, I've got it now," I nodded and grabbed my page before he could make any corrections, fleeing back to my table where I felt safe, but only after I'd scribbled out my equation and made perfectly sure that nobody was paying me the slightest bit of attention.

Even the Professor had returned to his seat and was quietly scratching out more work for us to do. I stared hopelessly at the board and copied everything down religiously, planning on asking Madame Pince if she wouldn't mind shutting me in the library overnight so I could get it all done. I'd sleep in the ridiculously undersized Muggle Literature section if that's what it took.

Why was I even taking Arithmancy again? I wasn't particularly _good _at it, and it took a brick to the temple to knock anything new into my head. I couldn't remember what I'd told McGonagall was my 'dream career' but whatever it was, Arithmancy was apparently needed. I hated- and still hate- Arithmancy. Stupid subject, in my opinion.

I glanced over at Lupin, who was reading something from his textbook with a look of utter concentration on his face; brow slightly furrowed, bottom lip drawn between straight teeth. The page dangled off his desk enough for me to catch a glance of the title; Arithmancy and Animagi... Oh, right. Mum still wanted me to follow in the family trade. _That's _why I was taking the ridiculous, difficult, stupid subject.

"Miss Evergreen! If you could stop making eyes at Mr Lupin for _five minutes _and concentrate on the work in front of you, I would greatly appreciate it!"

I jumped, my jerky wrist knocking my ink bottle to the floor so it shattered and burst all over my white school shoes. I dove after it, getting ink all over my hands as I grabbed my bag out of the way, and my head hit the table as I sat back up. By now, the Ravenclaws were pissing themselves laughing and Lupin was raising his eyebrows in my direction, a stupid smug smirk on his lips.

And Professor Kelton was glaring down his hooked nose at me, arms folded, and eyes narrowed.

Oh Bollocks.


	5. Five

"I-I'm not making eyes at Lupin," I stammered, cheeks burning and hands shaking under the table. I couldn't meet anybody's eyes as I stared at the window, forcing the lump in my throat to go down. "I was thinking." Pathetic, pathetic excuse! Every slacker in the _world _made that excuse for daydreaming- not that I had been- but it was an _old _excuse! Horrible! Pathetic! Merlin, you're a real arsehole sometimes!

The professor's eyes grew steely and hard, his lips pressed into the same thin line that McGonagall's did when she was displeased by something. I had never experienced McGonagall's displeasure and I didn't plan to, either. She was downright scary when she was pissed. "Miss Evergreen, I'd like you to stay behind after class, please," said Kelton, slowly and firmly as if I were stupid. I'm not stupid, I wanted to shout. But I didn't.

"Yes, sir," I muttered pathetically, shrinking down to a minute size and shooting the Ravenclaws the bird when they snickered and Kelton wasn't looking. Stupid bitches, I thought. Stupid _Sirius, _I amended a moment later. This latest string of bad luck was all Sirius Black's fault; if he hadn't made that stupid bet with James, hadn't chosen me, hadn't given me tea that morning, hadn't walked me to class, hadn't _smelt so damn fine when he caught me... _stop! Stop _right _there!

Sirius Black may smell fine, but that's _it. _No thinking of Sirius Black in that way! No thinking of him, period. Sirius Black was an off-limit topic, no mention deserved/needed. No. Concentrate on the numbers, they're what matters. Three point four-one-four-one-five-nine, that's Pi, that's important. One-point-seven-seven-two-four-five is the square root of Pi, that's also important. _Drei-punkt-eins-fünf-eins-fünf-nein._

I wonder if Sirius could speak any other languages? My German wasn't too good, not as good as I'd like it to be. I spent all summer in Germany with Mum, I should know more. I made a note on my hand to learn more German as soon as I could- Kelton was staring at me still, tapping his quill against his chin, and I stopped scribbling the digits of Pi in the margins of my work, wishing the bell would hurry up and go so I could do whatever it is he wanted me to do, and get out of there. Divination was next. I liked Divination- it was the only subject I was halfway decent at without studying my arse off. Mum reckoned I've got the Sight, like her Mum did. I'm not so sure.

Finally, the tinny ringing shot through the school and the class gathered up their things. I followed suit at a slower pace, squeezing myself against the desk as Lupin approached and dropped a piece of parchment on my books. Snatching it up, I hid it in my pocket to read later and watched him leave the room curiously, wondering just what on earth he could possibly want with me. I didn't wonder for long- Kelton cleared his throat and drew my attention as the last Ravenclaw left the room.

"Is everything alright, Miss Evergreen?" Kelton asked as I stood before him in all my humiliated glory. My cheeks burned and my eyes stung- what was I supposed to tell him? _Well, sir, you see, Mum's off in some exotic corner of the globe, I've got no idea what I'm going to do in the future, Dad's gone off his rocker, I can't walk down the Hogwarts halls without getting glared at and Sirius Black is trailing after me like a lovesick puppy? Oh yeah, and I hate Arithmancy_. That'll go down well, won't it: _sorry sir, it's just I have trouble summoning the courage to enter this room without wanting to burn every bit of parchment I set eyes on?_

"Yes," I told him seriously, and for an instant I believed it myself. I was and would be fine; some girl prettier than me will solve my Sirius problem for me before long, Mum would get bored of wherever she was this time (Bolivia, I think), Dad will be looked after in the hospital and I'll be able to fade back into anonymity soon enough. Things would be alright; I'd survive this latest affliction upon my person. I will survive- good song, good song. _As long as I know how to live I'll always stay alive-_

"Your grades have slipped, Miss Evergreen," Kelton interrupted my musical moment and I caught myself before I could glare at him too intently. "You were on an A at the beginning of the year-" two weeks, mate. Surely I couldn't have slipped that much? A 'P' at best; I could recover from a 'P'- "Now you're bordering on a T."

I gaped at him, shaking my head. "A T?" I repeated weakly. How could I have let it slip that far? I've never gotten below a P in my life! Never! Mum would be _furious _when she found out! Kelton examined my reaction carefully, his beady little hawkish eyes noting that a sheen of sweat was forming on my brow as I desperately tried not to burst into tears and beg for a better grade. I would _not- _I may not have much, but I've got dignity and pride.

"You have never been an overly successful Arithmancy student, you haven't the mind for it, but a T is just unacceptable from you. I have reason to believe that your new relationship with Sirius Black-"

"It's not a relationship," I ground out, incensed. What the hell did Kelton know? _How _the hell? It'd only been eighteen hours and he already knew! If I believed in swearing, I would be making sailors in Brighton blush! "There is _nothing _going on! Sirius is a pig-headed prat who believe every girl is going to fall on her backside for him! I don't like Sirius! I never have-" little lie there, sue me- "-Never will!" Again, a little white lie. Bugger off, I'm allowed.

Kelton's expression matched my mood and I wilted under the intensity of his glare. "How dare you address your professor in such a way? Detention, Miss Evergreen, tonight at eight! Dismissed!" He whirled and stalked away, slamming his office door as he went. I flinched and grabbed my stuff, walking out quickly and before he could think of anything else to say. Now I was definitely pissed, beyond that even. Heads were gonna roll when I caught sight of Sirius Pompous Arse Black!

I found him with the rest of the Marauders, lazing in the sunny courtyard. I ignored the fact that he was with his friends and stormed right up to him, full of fire and frustration. He cracked open one eye and raised his brow, Potter laughed as I stood there, trembling with rage and unsure of how to proceed. I've never initiated a fight with anyone before- and I didn't know many good hexes. Sirius, however, made the decision easy.

"Hey, good-lookin'," he drawled. I screamed wordlessly and stomped my feet, much to his amusement, before my wand appeared under his nose and his eyes widened just slightly.

"You," I hissed, furious. Stupid pompous arse with his stupid sexy face and his stupid sexy voice and his stupid bet. Now I had detention, a group of people glaring at me wherever I went, Lupin thought I was an idiot, Kelton thought I was stupid- "This is all your fault!" I said to Sirius, who simply shrugged. _"Feruncula!" _I cried the first incantation I could think of, turning on my heel to stalk back into the castle while Sirius wrestled with the bandages and his friends laughed at him, and me.

I leapt up the steps to the castle, stepped inside the doors and was instantly accosted by three sets of arms, a piece of fabric tossed across my eyes as I was hauled around, kicking and screaming for my life. I heard the sound of a door opening and could smell the rotting brooms; a closet. Fantastic. Who the hell had dragged me into a closet? The blindfold was lifted and a light shone in my face; as my eyes adjusted, I could see my attackers clearly.

Mary, Alice and Jackie. And they looked _furious._

Oh, Bollocks.


	6. Six

-six-

I sat in stunned, slightly terrified, silence as the three girls shared looks of varying malice and understanding. I knew they had it in for me, simply because I didn't fall over Sirius the way they did. And if they'd seen what I'd just done to him… well, there was absolutely no doubt what they wanted from me. Surrender, their eyes said, surrender or die! I felt like throwing the bucket I was sitting on directly at them. Preferably if it were full of something horrid like toenails or Snape's hair.

"We've been talking," Mary began, clearly the ringleader of the group. Jackie, I knew, still had a bit of a _thing _for Peter, despite his very public and very humiliating dumping of her at the end of last year. As far as I could tell, he'd found out that she'd slept with Garion Flint, a brutish boy a year older than us. Poor Peter… he'd always been good to her, though a bit on the prudish side (the upside to being invisible, is that I know _everything _about everyone else's business). "And we've been thinking," Mary added, almost as an afterthought.

I had to bite my lip to avoid the snarkish response that instantly sprang to mind- _does it hurt?_

"We can tell that you're not really into Sirius," Alice continued, regardless of my sigh and obvious longing to escape. I twitched towards the door once, only to find Jackie leaning against it with her arms folded. We didn't have much space in the closet and I felt irrepressibly claustrophobic, but I kept my mouth shut in the hopes that they would say their piece and let me go. They couldn't ambush me anywhere else, after all…

"So, we have a plan, Ev- _Falca," _Jackie stressed my name and plastered a smile across her face. I didn't bother to reciprocate; after all the years I'd spent watching these girls, Jackie was my least favourite. She always struck me as a bit fake… not surprising, really, but still. I didn't- still don't- like fake people. "Mary here, who is Sirius' soulmate, you may not have noticed-"

"I noticed," I interjected dryly, fighting off my inner-bitch to avoid what I was about to say; which would, most likely, get me many more detentions than the one I already had (not that it was my fault anyway, Kelton's got a stick up his arse). Just the thought of it made my stomach turn- I'd never had detention before, and I'd heard Filch muttering about stringing people up by their thumbs in the dungeons… oh god, I hope that's not me… pain and I are not a good mix, we're worst enemies, I despise pain as much as I-

"I'm going to take your place," Mary revealed their master plan with a satisfied gleam in her eye, clearly thinking it the most brilliant thing ever. "Sirius will fall in love with _me _and you'll be free to go back to... whatever it is you do."

I winced, hearing the unspoken insult hanging loud and clear in the air between us. What right did she have to judge me? It wasn't like I had _time _to make friends when I was a kid- Mum was always on the move, Dad was a flipping _lunatic- _how could I have ever brought a friend home- _don't mind the mess, Dad likes to blow shit up when he's depressed. Which is always... sorry about the weird scribbling on the walls, Mum's run out of paper again... _"You seem to be forgetting one thing," I pointed out as I stood to leave, not caring that Jackie pulled her wand on me. I may not know any decent hexes, but I paid enough attention when Mum lectured me on self-defence to free myself the Muggle way, if I had to. "Sirius and James have a bet- _one girl. _And he wants a challenge- _you're not." _It tore at the fabric of my common sense to say it, but I didn't need these girls helping me to avoid Sirius. I'd deal with him my way- I'd just continue acting uninterested, he'd go away when he figured out that there was _nothing ever happening _between the two of us. Annoying Prat. I pushed Jackie and stepped out into the hallways, grateful they were deserted. I didn't need the crap that leaving a closet with _three _girls would cause- I had enough on my pate with Mum's lengthening absences, Dad's steady decline into absolute insanity.

I started stalking away, headed for the pitifully small Muggle section of the library. There were a few classics there and I could feel _safe _about reading my Lord of the Rings, if there was nobody watching… I made it all of five feet before my three classmates caught up to me and blocked my path.

"You're going about getting rid of him the wrong way," Jackie informed me gravely, as though this was their last plan of action to get me agreeing with their plans. She wrapped her slightly pudgy fingers around my upper arm, and I shook her off impatiently without even breaking stride. Score one for co-ordination! Not that I had much of it to begin with, but at least _this time _I didn't end up flat on my face!

"Sirius _likes _girls who play hard to get," Mary put in, looking at me critically with her top lip quirked in disdain. "You're right up his alley- innocent _and _uninterested."

"If you want him to leave you alone, you've got to _go _with him," Alice reasoned, flipping my collar. "Give it up, so to speak. Ever noticed that he doesn't go for girls who approach him first? He likes turning good girls bad."

Jackie smirked at me, her gaze showing plainly that she was expecting me to flip out at any moment. Or cave in and bend to their wishes- as I'm sure many other girls would have done. Together, the three of them presented a mildly intimidating front- lucky for me, I've always been stupidly blind to intimidation. "And if you're already bad," Jackie spelled out, speaking slowly as if she figured I couldn't understand. I shot her a particularly nasty glare, before sighing in resignation as I realised precisely what they were proposing.`

I stared at them all incredulously. "You mean, act like…" casting around for a metaphor, my eyes locked on Alaria Greengrass, the Skank of Slytherin. She made the porn industry look innocent- I wish I was kidding, there, but I'm not. I flapped my hands at her helplessly and looked at Mary, Alice and Jackie. "That?"

They shared looks and nodded. "Noticed that she's the only girl Sirius hasn't tried chasing?" Jackie pointed out. I felt like asking why she thought he'd be interested in _her _then, if he didn't like fakes, but bit my tongue. It seemed that for once, they were actually trying to help me.

Slowly, I nodded, giving myself up to my fate. If I _had _to, I could make like… Alaria Greengrass. As much as I hated her, the idea, and the _thought _of liking Sirius Black. Oh sure, a week ago I would've jumped at the chance to be his girlfriend and I may or may not have scribbled 'Falca Black' all over my workbooks in Third Year, but I had morals. Standards. If I ever considered being in a relationship, it'd be because I _wanted _to, and I knew that _he _liked me for me, not because of some stupid bet he had with his best mate. Stupid Potter.

Alice tweaked my hair and I jumped a foot away, glaring at the offending limb that was still hanging in the air, her smirk looking quite satisfied and just a little bit smug. I was _not _afraid of her! "We can help you, teach you what to say," she said gently, patronising me even. Cow.

"How to dress," Jackie flicked her wand and my skirt, which hung around my knees, was hiked up enough that it only _just _covered my undies. I squealed and tried pulling it down, frantically dancing as my head whipped around, looking for witnesses to my shame-

"FIX IT!" I shrieked hysterically, glaring at Jackie so hard I feared she might combust. She smirked as she flicked her wand again and my skirt- MY decent length skirt- reappeared. The bored glance she sent my way had me glaring back at her and vowing revenge. "_Don't _touch my clothes," I hissed at all three, incensed. So what if they'd been the only ones to see my shame? "_Don't _try to change me," I continued, smoothing my hair. "I'll deal with Black and his stupid bet _my _way. You three," I shook my finger at them angrily, "Piss off and leave me alone doing it."

With that, I turned on my heel to stalk away.

Unfortunately, I ran head-first into a body- a very tall, lean, very definitely _male _body. Cringing into myself as Jackie, Mary and Alice snickered and disappeared, I prayed to Merlin that I wouldn't look up to Sirius... _please not him, not the King Prat himself..._ Cautiously, I peered up a chest to see who I'd nearly flattened… and I died internally, all over again. Why me, Merlin? What have I ever done to you, you ancient meddling bollock-faced arse, to deserve this kind of malicious treatment!

"We meet again, Miss Evergreen," Remus Lupin smirked, his hands holding my elbows to keep me on my feet as his eyes- a heavenly shade of blue- twinkled in a very friendly way. Where his skin met mine, heat radiated and I felt sure the entire school could sense how much I _liked _being this close to Remus Lupin. "Is it just me, or are you making a habit of falling for Marauders?" Lupin continued, teasing me lightly. I gave a very dignified squeak as I felt my face start to burn.

Bollocks.


	7. Seven

-seven-

"L-Lupin," I managed after a moment, stepping back and smoothing myself out. He watched as I ran hands over my head of hair, and felt quite sure he could hear my internal bashing of Merlin and how he must _hate _me to allow this to happen- twice in one _bloody day, _too! First Sirius, now Lupin! Why me, why!

"You seem… flustered?" Lupin continued, a casual conversational tone to his voice that I so envied. I recalled vaguely that he used to be the shy, invisible kid that didn't speak two words save for 'please' and 'sorry'. I wondered where that kid had gone… the kid he'd outgrown but I'd been stuck as since I was eleven. Then again, I've always been incredibly socially awkward- for example, when other kids my age were getting their 'big-kid-beds' I was painting glitter monsters on my mother's best dress. And when kids were off to school to learn how to conduct oneself in polite company, I'd just grown out of the glitter stage and was planted quite firmly in the kicking-and-screaming tantrum stage. Literally.

I just shrugged. "You've heard about me and Sirius?" I asked brightly, faking the biggest smile I could. Lupin rolled his eyes and nodded, shaking his head in the next moment. "Yeah," I added lamely, shrugging again as I walked by him, more determined than ever to hide in the library until at least Christmas. Divination was almost over and I could do without my afternoon Potions' lesson, in any case. Slughorn always gave me the shits because he _still _thought I'd be alright working on my own, despite the fact he had to replace one cauldron a week thanks to yours truly. Oh, and Lupin himself- he really was horrendous at Potions.

"Hey, Evergreen!" I recognised the voice and hurried faster, praying I wouldn't trip as I took the stairs two at a time- faster, I could hear him gaining on me- "Evergreen, for _god's _sake, woman!" Sirius Black closed his hand on my elbow and tugged me to stop. I used his own momentum against him as my frustration boiled over; I spun on my feet and directed a very good, very hard, punch directly to his left eye. At the last moment, he caught my fist and lowered it away from his face, eyes flashing at me in a mixture of anger and amusement. "Fiery, aren't we?"

"Stick it, Black," I spat, wrenching my fist away from his hands. I didn't bother walking away, I knew he'd catch me wherever I went. Besides, wasn't it high-time I gave him a piece of my mind? "I can't believe you," I told him, shaking my head, "It's ridiculous. Did you know I've got first years calling me a bitch behind my back?"

Sirius shrugged and smiled apologetically. "The price of being my flavour," he crooned. I tried to hit him again, and failed miserably. Those Quidditch-honed reflexes and muscles really paid off against my pathetic athletic career that consisted of the occasional walk to the library, and two self-defence classes when I was fourteen. "You really hate me, don't you?"

"More and more with every passing minute," I growled, again stepping away from Sirius Sodding Black. He didn't attempt to follow me as he shrugged and sighed, hands in his pockets.

"I know you know that this," he gestured between the two of us with another cheesy smile, "is because of James." I hadn't thought of that, that Potter was to blame. My anger at Sirius was suddenly extended to include _all _the Marauders- though strictly speaking, Peter and Remus hadn't done _anything _to me. Yet. "But I just want you to know why I picked you," Sirius added.

I raised my eyebrows, curious despite myself. He watched me for any signs of violence and shrugged again. "Because you haven't tried my… _flavour?" _I asked haughtily. Sirius threw his head back and laughed, and I couldn't help but stare. Damn, the boy was infuriating… but was it possible to be so _fine _while he did it? "Haven't tried loser-torte?" I quipped, feeling my ears and cheeks start to burn as he stopped laughing to stare at me intently. Oh, those eyes... those smouldering eyes and pouting lips... they did very naughty things to me that nobody but myself and _cursed _Merlin would ever know about.

"No," he said seriously, when he'd calmed enough to speak, "it's because I've been watching you all year," he said, sounding more honest and earnest than I'd ever heard him. It almost made me regret almost punching him in the face. Almost. "Because you always blended in, always faded to the background. Because nobody else seemed to notice you-"

"_Pity, _Black?" I snapped, my constantly simmering anger rising to the surface again. "I'll have you know that just because I'm not a _slut _like your usual hussies," I hissed, leaning forward to drive my point home, hoping my eyes showed him how _pissed _I was, "doesn't mean I need your pity. So _stick it."_

This time when I stalked away, he didn't bother following me. What a relief! Merlin, you must have some form of mercy in you, despite all your arse-holish nonsense about sticking me in this situation in the first place. Now, in repetenece, the least you could do is keep Sirius Sodding Black away from me long enough for him to see the plethora of _other _girls, _better, _prettier, girls, throwing themselves at him. Keep him away from me, and I'll keep myself away from him. At the very least, staying away from Sirius Sodding Black would give my raging hormones a chance to simmer down- acting like a crazy, mood-swingy-bitch wasn't my usual personality. Some would argue that I had none... go figure.

The Muggle section of the library loomed before me before I had time to register my location. I couldn't remember walking here… Must be a sign of… whatever distraction my situation was driving me to. With a wave of my wand, a collection of Edgar Allen Poe's works- battered, ripped, shredded and well-used (by me, mostly) flew to my hands. I collapsed into a chair and flung the book open, not caring what it opened to as long as it was _something _to distract me.

"I didn't think anyone else knew about this place."

I jumped, whirled in my seat as I prayed to Merlin- _don't let him have found me here, not here! _

Remus Lupin smiled at me apologetically, and looked pointedly at the seat beside me. "Taken?" he asked.

I scoffed. "What do you think?" He smiled at me again- I was getting quite sick of him smiling, really, I mean what was the need for it? He took the seat and pulled out his Arithmancy book, opening to the question I'd asked him about in class. He'd already completed it, I know he had- he'd patronised me about it, when I asked for help. I was quite regretting that too, letting him know how _stupid _I was when I wasn't paying attention.

"Not many people come here," Lupin was talking to me, watching as I returned to the poem before me- my favourite, _Annabel Lee. _"Most don't even know it exists." I blew my fringe out of my eyes and continued reading as best I could, trying to ignore him. He'd totally blown me off in class- why did he want to be buddy-buddy now? It was utterly inexplicable; not only Lupin, but Sirius' sudden unshakable interest in me, too. "Professor Kelton spoke to me after class," Lupin said quietly, not looking at me as he spoke. "He seems to think we'd both benefit from… _tutoring."_

"Ha," I scoffed again. "He thinks I'm stupid." I knew it. Lupin knew it, I knew he knew.

"No," Lupin stressed, giving me a sideways, 'you're-so-thick', look. "I'm on an A. He thinks I'd be able to get an O if I revised the material… I… it was me, my idea- the thought of tutoring." His cheeks gained a bit of colour and I was hard pressed not to laugh. Remus Lupin was… _embarrassed? _That just didn't happen! Lupin was cool, calm… utterly unflappable- but here he was… _blushing!_

"So _you_ think I'm stupid," I deadpanned, knowing it wasn't the case but unable to resist the slight tease. Lupin snickered and nodded, the twinkle in his eyes letting me know that he wasn't serious.

"I think you're alright," he amended in a minute, once I'd pouted and given a sad, self-pitying sigh. "You've resisted Sirius thus far, after all."

I managed a quiet laugh, which sounded even to my own ears as more of a sob than anything. "I'm not sure how much longer, though. He's driving me crazy." Lupin smiled at me again and I wasn't quite so bothered about this one- it seemed the forced nature of his earlier ones had gone, the ice between us was shattered and suddenly we were much more relaxed in our own skins. He beckoned me to lean closer as he slid the book to a more central place, carefully confiscating my poetry but leaving it on the table when I gave him a glare.

"Understandable. He has that effect on people," Lupin laughed, and I couldn't help myself noticing that he looked as _good_- if not _better- _than Sirius when he laughed.

Oh no. I can't be comparing them! I'm not even supposed to _like _them! _Bollocks!_


	8. Eight

-eight-

"… and add three, because of the sun," I muttered under my breath, half to Lupin and half to myself in an attempt to drill the lesson into my thick-skinned brain. Lupin, his arm around the back of my chair and his face so close to mine, gave a breathy chuckle as he leaned back and I forced myself not to look at him until my blush died down. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm supposed to be hating _anything _Marauder- but damn, Lupin did look quite delectable when he chewed on the end of his quill and looked at me through hooded eyes and his bottom lip- _no! _Falca, stop it! Right NOW!

"And you call yourself stupid," Lupin said softly, smiling at me as he nodded. "Try the next question, on your own this time. I won't even watch," he declared, covering his eyes with one hand as he peered through the cracks in his fingers. I laughed through my nose, which was really just a sharp exhalation of air, but it made Lupin smile too as he chuckled and physically turned away. "I'm serious- you've got one minute."

I rolled my eyes and smiled, turning my attention to the question before me. We'd been locked away for little over half an hour and already I felt more at home in his company than I'd ever felt in the entire castle. I bit my bottom lip as I worked, eyes and quill darting across the page- I had this in the bag, I was going to _kick _Kelton's 'T' in the _arse _on the next test! I could hear the crowds cheering me on as I rapidly approached the end of the question, and then I heard it.

_Him._

The library doors swung open with a bang and someone entered in a chorus of laughter. "MOONY!" Sirius' voice shouted. I jumped and cringed, wanting to duck under the table and _die. _The last thing I wanted was to see him- that airheaded, idiotic prat! Lupin noticed my reaction and placed a hand on my shoulder as he swept his things into his bag.

"I'll intercept- you keep going," he waved a hand over my work, his eyes crinkling slightly as he read the question I was yet to finish. "By the way," he said very quietly, almost nervously, as he reached out a hand to tweak the dark curls that hung over my eyes, obscuring them and my glasses from view. "You have very pretty eyes, Falca," he smiled at me, eyes twinkling slightly. And with that, he was gone, leaving me staring after him with my mouth hanging open.

What just happened? _Remus Lupin _just paid me a compliment. _Remus Lupin _touched me. _Remus Lupin _knows my name- and the way he said it… _Falca… _sounded more like 'Fal-kah', not 'fol-ca' as everyone else says. _Remus Lupin _knows my name- and he says it right, too! My heart swelled and I felt quite giddy as I goofily grinned at the Arithmancy before me, suddenly liking the subject a heck of a lot more than I did that morning.

Maybe this idea of the Marauders paying me attention wouldn't be so bad after all. Really, Sirius wasn't that bad. Sure he was a presumptive piss-head with an ego bigger than Russia, but he _had _said he'd _chosen _me over every other girl- not because he pitied me, but because he was _interested. _But, could I trust his words?

_What do I have to lose?_

I sighed, propping my feet on the edge of the seat just vacated by Lupin. I could hear him on the other side of the shelves, frantically apologising to Madame Pince for whatever catastrophe followed in Sirius and James' footsteps. His voice faded and I was truly alone in the Muggle Literature section- but that's precisely what I wanted. Time to _think, _time to organise the rushing thoughts in my head- which ran on a tangent going something like 'ohmigodohmigodohmigod!'

The smile on my face stretched as I remembered how close Lupin had been to me, how he'd watched my quill scratch over the page and how he'd _smiled _at me. And the way he touched my hair, he- _he thinks my eyes are pretty… _wait, what?

I'm not supposed to like the Marauders! Not even Lupin- whom, I'm sure, had nothing to do with Potter and Black and their stupid little dare which is what's got me into trouble in the first place! Merlin, my life has gone from satisfactory to utter chaos and confusion in _less than two days! _Why would you inflict something like that on me?

With frantic motions, I wrenched a blank piece of parchment towards me and gripped my quill so hard it bent almost double- I relaxed when it cracked in protest, and forced my hand to stay steady as I inked it and held it over the parchment. I wanted to write to someone, but _who? _Mum wouldn't get the letter- no owl would fly to wherever she was this week- and Dad would probably cook the owl thinking it was veal. He'd use the letter as a napkin. _I wonder if insanity is hereditary? I heard that Grandad was pretty mental, so I wonder if I'll get it too, later in life? Nah, surely Merlin doesn't hate me that much!_

Finally, I began the letter.

_Dear Penny,_

_I know the last thing you want is to hear my troubles. But seriously, who else can I talk to? You know what Mum and Dad are like- though he's worse now, much worse. He thought I was his mum last summer, wouldn't stop clinging to my leg when I had to go back to school. Called me a bitch for abandoning him- he always said I looked like Grammy, didn't he?_

_Anyway, I'm not writing about Dad. That I can handle, we've seen it coming for ages. What's bothering me is… well… the opposite sex. Boys. Bloody fools they are, too! You always warned that I'd one day catch the attention of the male species, and that I had to be careful… guess what? It's happened! You know who Sirius Black is, right? Remember me writing about how his family are all dark and sort of the anti-thesis to ours, and how he got sorted into Gryffindor with me?_

_Yeah, him. He's big-time popular, while I'm sort of the mouse of the house. Haha, that rhymes- mouse of the house. Funny that, isn't it, that my name means great bird of prey yet I'm just a wee little rodent? Right, must stay on track; he's taken it upon himself to believe that I need 'nuturing'. Him and his best mate (Potter, James) have a bet going, that Sirius can't stay loyal to one girl for six months. Sirius reckons he can-so-too and also, can change this girl from a 'peasant to princess'._

_Joy for me- the Chosen One. I've spent the last four days fending him- and the legion of furious fangirls- off with a stick, though nothing's worked yet. And to make matters worse, Sirius' other best mate (Remus Lupin- I _know _you know him) is my Arithmancy tutor. And I think I might- I think, that despite all my protests- I think I might be developing a tiny little crush on him._

_So, Sirius is chasing me, while I'm considering chasing Lupin, and he's chasing God-knows-who-but-not-me, and the rest of the female population (and some guys!) are chasing Sirius (and me, but with pitchforks). Confusing, isn't it? What's a poor little mouse to do!_

_Got to run- Prof Kelton (hook nosed bastard) is coming my way, and he looks kinda pissed._

_Bollocks. Bye Penny!_

_(And yes I know, don't swear!)_

"Miss Evergreen," Kelton called, storming my way. I calmly slid the letter off the table and into my bag, careful to make sure he wouldn't see what I'd called him. I realised with a look of glee that my Arithmancy work- which Lupin had given his seal of approval to- was still spread across the desk, and I struggled with a smug grin as the Professor's sharp glare ran over the work.

"Sir?" I questioned, sure he could hear the pride in my tone.

Kelton sniffed but said nothing on my work- to which I silently preened- and folded his arms across his chest. "Would you happen to know who delivered a box of dung bombs to my office this afternoon?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous as if daring me to lie. My eyes widened and I instantly thought of Lupin, who had been privy to my humiliation in class. But he wouldn't do that to a teacher, would he? The Marauders' pranks were usually masterminded cleverly by Lupin, not executed by him, right?

"No, sir," I said, shrugging. "No idea."

Kelton's eyes narrowed even further and he nodded once, before whirling on his heel and stalking away. He stopped at the edge of the Muggle section (I don't think this place has _ever _seen so much traffic) and turned to stare at me over his shoulder. "If you see Mr Black, Miss Evergreen," Kelton snapped, "tell him that he also has detention with me this evening at seven. Do not be late."

I felt my jaw drop as I shook my head. Detention alone was bad enough- _detention with Sirius? _Bloody murder! Kelton seemed to read my shock and displeasure on my face as he smirked and disappeared in a flurry of robes, leaving me gaping after him like a fish out of water. I was trying to _avoid _Sirius, Merlin! I shouted mentally, fearing that Hogwarts might just bring on insanity quicker for me than it had for Dad. _Avoiding him is not helped by getting detention with him!_

Bollocks.


	9. Nine

-nine-

I paced in the Gryffindor Common Room, wringing my hands and muttering various expletives under my breath. Sirius had sauntered through earlier, and when I told him about the detention the _prat _had the nerve to wink at me and call it a date. Which made me- don't ask why- look at Lupin for help, while he stared at Sirius with this funny little look on his face that I couldn't be bothered deciphering.

I was far too busy fretting. What does a detention usually entail? Filch caught sight of me when I was rushing from the library to the Tower, and he had given me such an _ugly _smile it sent chills down my spine. I hope to God whatever Kelton's got in store for us, it won't be torturous or horrible or _painful. _Nothing could be as painful as having to spend two hours with Sirius Black, of course, but the least Kelton could do was make sure I wasn't in _physical _pain!

Finally, my wand-watch (nifty little charm, that) gave a little chime of bells, and I _finite'd _the spell as I bolted through the portrait hole to get to detention before Sirius could leave his dorm. He hadn't come back down since that cheeky wink-and-date move, and I had no desire to meet him on the journey to the torture I was certainly about to endure. Oh bloody hell, stupid detention, stupid Kelton, stupid Sirius!

I had twenty minutes- so I had plenty of time to duck to the Owlery, which was my original plan too. I had no desire to see Sirius, and if I approached Kelton's office from the _opposite _side, there was very little chance of having to put up with him! Clever girl, Falca! I bustled through the sparsely populated corridors, careful to avoid those I knew would be busier by instinct, and made it to the Owlery.

Now, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but animals and I are not a very good mix. In fact, Professor Kettleburn, who taught Care of Magical Creatures, gave a written petition to Dumbledore from the _entire third year class _to have me exempted from lessons. It's not that I'm a horrible, nasty person, it's just I'm a bit… well… weird. Oddly enough, the only animals I _do _get on with are the incredibly dangerous ones. Hagrid had a foaling hippogriff at one stage and it let me touch the baby, while it attempted to rip Hagrid's head off when he tried. So, in summary: normal, tame animals try to kill me. Creatures of horrible darkness and nastiness and ferocity, somehow like me.

So, finding an owl willing enough to carry my letter was usually a job I left up to fate. I stepped into the droppings-and-feather covered floor, hearing the crunch of some poor rodent's bones under my feet, and held out my arm to summon an owl. To my surprise, a large tawny descended almost instantly and pecked at the letter in my hands. I vaguely recognised the owl as Lupin's… it had a Greek name, I think, Apollo or Hermes or something of the sort. Aha- Achilles!

Strictly speaking, I wasn't supposed to use another student's owl without permission, but none of the others seemed remotely interested in me, so I tied my letter to Lupin's owl's leg, and let him fly off into the night. I watched until he disappeared and turned around, hitting the back of my foot on the skeleton of a smallish rabbit that had been somebody's dinner. As the ribcage curled near my heel, the phrase 'Achilles heel' floated through my mind.

And, whistling at my own intelligence and joy at the fact that the owls hadn't swooped and tried to rip my hair out, I skipped from the Owlery and to Kelton's office. Detention with Sirius… that still made my blood boil, but not quite as badly. After all, Kelton could always order us to be silent- _oh please, yes! _I thought eagerly. Two hours alone with a _silent _Sirius would be alright, I could handle that…

"Miss Evergreen," Professor Kelton sneered as I knocked and pushed my way into the Arithmancy classroom. To my surprise, Remus was sitting two seats across from Sirius at the front of the classroom, and I nearly broke into a relieved smile at the sight of him. At the last minute, I remembered that I wasn't supposed to like Marauders and turned up my nose instead. "Nice of you to grace us with your presence," the professor continued, and I cringed to realise that I was three minutes late. Bollocks! "Sit!" Kelton barked, and I fell into a seat beside Remus quickly.

He gave me a smile and I returned it shyly, still ensuring that I didn't look at Sirius at all.

"Tonight, the three of you will write lines. Three hundred times each- Evergreen, you will write _I will not answer back. _Black, _I will not deliver dungbombs to Professor's private doors. _Lupin… _I will not set fire to Black's hair."_

So that's what Remus had done! I looked over at him, and he winked at me slowly. My stomach twirled into a knot that wasn't all that unpleasant, and Sirius seemed to pout. It was then that I noticed the scorch marks on his forehead and the smell of burnt feathers that wafted from him whenever he moved. I almost felt sorry for him, but the feeling fled a moment later. He brought it on himself- though, I wondered, looking again at Remus who had begun to write, why would he set fire to Sirius' hair?

Kelton gave us all a sharp look and swept into his inner office, leaving his door open in case we decided to make more noise than necessary. I picked up my quill and hurriedly started scratching out my line, reaching five before a piece of parchment slid under my nose.

_Will you talk to me? – S_

Glancing up, I frowned at him. Why on earth would I want to talk to Sirius Sodding Black? He was the reason for all my suffering today, and the day before, and I was completely sure that tomorrow wouldn't be any better either. But, from the earnest, genuine look on his face as he silently begged, I relented.

I'm a teenage girl, I have hormones, and Sirius is _bloody fine. _Not saying that Remus isn't, mind you, but… Remus wasn't trying to talk to me. And he wasn't giving me the puppy-dog-eyes that never failed to make me melt…

_Alright. _I replied, sliding the parchment back. Sirius' face lit up and he quickly started scribbling a new message; I nervously looked to make sure Kelton wasn't coming back. I wasn't sure what he'd do if he found us passing notes as he hadn't expressly told us _not _to, but he was always roaring about it in class. Detention's gotta be worse, right? Besides, Lupin looked just a bit perturbed as well, as he followed my lead in watching the open door to the professor's office. Only... hang on, was he looking _hopeful? _Was Lupin gunning for me and Sirius to get in _more trouble?_

Pfft, I thought snippily. Let him be the goody-two-shoes. I'm not the one who set my supposed-best-mate's hair on fire in the middle of the school corridors. How hadn't I heard about that? Usually whenever the Marauders did something, everybody knew about it within minutes. Except Peter... because he was so quiet, nobody really paid much attention to him. But Remus setting Sirius' hair on fire? _That _should've been top-notch-news!

_I'm sorry I've been pestering you. _Sirius had written, as I had finally returned my attention to the parchment beneath my nose. I pushed his note to the side and continued with my lines; he wanted to apologize, fine, but he could damn well do it to my face. I said I'd talk to him. Never said I'd write notes... go me, and my devilish little mind! Another piece of parchment fluttered over, from Lupin this time, and I picked it up much more eagerly than Sirius'.

_He wants you to give him a chance, _Lupin had written, his normally neat and precise script being somewhat rushed, as if he'd scribbled it and had to control himself very hard to do so. I glanced over quickly, but he'd already looked back at his lines and didn't respond to my frantic hand-waving. Sirius wanted a chance with me? Why did Lupin look so put-out about this?

Sighing in frustration, I tore two pieces of parchment from the bottom of my scroll, and wrote final messages to both of them.

_Sirius, I'm not giving you a chance. Back off._

_Remus, I'm not giving him a chance. No way._

I didn't receive any replies, and when Kelton finally released us, Sirius stormed out of the room without trying to talk to me. His face looked like a thundercloud and he glared at Remus as he flounced away. I stared after him, eyes narrowed, confusion written all over my face. Come to think of it, that was pretty much my usual expression- lost.

Lupin helped me pack up my books, flashing me a slight smile as he did so. "It won't last," he said quietly. "All this rejection has put him in quite a determined frame of mind- he's absolutely set on winning you over, one way or another."

The heel of my hand made quite a resounding thud as it collided with my forehead, and I muttered an 'ow' under my breath- I hadn't meant to hit myself quite that hard! Lupin stared at me like I was completely bonkers.

"I wish I'd set his hair on fire now," I muttered, chuckling darkly at the thought. Hang on- maybe I should! Maybe I should set him on fire, _then _he'd get the hint! I mean, trying to hit him just resulted in me landing flat on my face or smack-bang into someone's chest, so I could use magic! No co-ordination or balance needed! Yes, _win!_

"Falca?" I heard Remus' voice and it broke through my euphoric fog, dragging me with a thud back to earth. I raised an eyebrow, and he shook his head. "You've been staring at Kelton's office door for a minute now. Is there something I should know, or are we going to go to bed?"

Go to bed. Oh dear _Merlin _how my mind plummeted at that. Don't say anything stupid, Falca. Don't say anything ridiculous, don't open your mouth at all, dear, or you'll look like more of a nutter than Xeno Lovegood... just smile and wave girl, smile and wave.

So, with a grin plastered over my face, I petted Remus on the shoulder and high-tailed it back to Gryffindor Tower. One glance back showed me Lupin shaking his head and laughing, and I couldn't help but think how much _nicer _he was when he smiled.

Wait- I shouldn't be thinking that at all, but my stupid butterfly-filled-stomach doesn't get that I'm an anti-Marauder girl.

Bollocks.

**Attention, all! If you're reading this, then there's two things I need to ask of you.**

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	10. Ten

**Thank you to all the people who voted on the poll. It was a close result- pfft, no it wasn't; Remus Lupin won by a mile. So, although this one is Falca's, some future chapters will be narrated by the rather devious, devilish Remus Lupin.**

-ten-

I think I'd near about run a hole in the dormitory floor about now, with all my pacing and fretting. Not that I could help it- my weird mood was, as usual, Marauder-related. This time, it wasn't something that Sirius _had _done, but rather what he hadn't. It had been a week since the detention- a _week- _and he'd stopped whistling at me in the corridors; he walked right past me like I didn't even exist. I had been honest-to-Merlin _thankful _that he'd finally given up on me- but that didn't explain why my stomach plummeted through the floor whenever Sirius Black ignored me.

Worse was Remus. It was like they'd switched roles; Sirius was coolly detached while Remus became my constant shadow. I couldn't say I was too conflicted about this as having the smartest guy in the year take an interest in me was a bit of an advantage. I'd gone from a T in Arithmancy to an A in a week. Seven days since Kelton threatened to kick me out- actually, I think he still wanted to, simply because I was too good for him to pick on.

But even the obvious advantages of having Remus Lupin actively try to _befriend _me (rather than issue a caveman like demand that _you woman, I man, we mate _as Sirius had done), my head was far, far too concerned that I'd actually managed to accomplish something unheard of. Jackie, Mary and Alice had informed me of it this morning, after they'd all stalked, ahem, followed, the Gryffindors out for Quidditch practise. They calmly recounted the events of this practise while I fought to break whatever godforsaken spell they'd used to turn my blankets into ropes. To be honest I hadn't heard anything much of what they'd said, but the gist of their talking at me finally sank in.

Sirius. Black. Was. Hurt.

By a girl.

By... _me._

Which is why I found myself walking in circles around the dormitory while the rest of the castle no doubt filled their faces on whatever feast the Elves had cooked up. Whatever it was smelt absolutely delicious but that didn't stop my stupid stomach from turning. _Damn _Sirius! He had a habit of taking over my head by making split-second contradicting decisions- did he _have _to stop me eating- oh Merlin, did I smell blackberry pie?

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I _love _blackberry pie. Especially when it's warm and with a little scoop of whipped cream or that really, really smooth vanilla ice-cream... No! No food, Falca, until you figure out what in the name of Godric's mighty dandruff you're going to do about Sirius!

I still couldn't believe it. That I'd actually managed to hurt him, that is. If I'd managed that, then clearly he hadn't meant this wager thing with James to be a complete joke. Maybe he _had _been watching me, actually interested in _me, _and just used the wager as an excuse. Maybe he was sincere when he asked for a _chance- _since when does Sirius ask for _chances?_

It wasn't heard of. And for the sake of my stupid pride I'd gone and scared off the _only _guy who's shown even a smidgeon interest in wacky-weird-Falca-Evergreen. Why did I do that? What in Merlin's sweatpants was I thinking?

"I have to fix it," I told the heater in the centre of the room. It remained stubbornly silent and I glared at it, hoping it would somehow come to life and offer me the wisdom of ages that I'd seen in movies as a kid. Why did Merlin's ghost never come to me? Some kid in Ravenclaw claimed that the old wizard appeared during an exam and started spewing out answers- this was back in my third year, I don't remember what happened to that kid.

But alas, to my great chagrin, the heater remained silent. "Stupid hunk of inanimate metal," I told it scornfully, jumping out of my skin when I turned around to see Lily Evans gazing at me with her head tilted to the side in a confused, questioning glance. "Ah, Lily... um, hi... I was... it was... stubbed my toe," I said, hopping a little to emphasize my point.

Lily's eyes narrowed and I knew she'd straight through me, before she shook her head and moved on. What do I care? She's only James Potter's object of affect- wait. Wait, wait a minute, Falca Evergreen, you are painfully thick sometimes but then there's these flashes of brilliance!

"Lily!" I cried, dashing out after her and finding her midway between the seventh year and Head Girl's rooms, added on at the beginning of the year especially for her use. She'd paused and met my eyes; hers flicked down to my toe, which I was now bouncing on, and smiled.

"You're Falca, aren't you?" I nodded, and her smile grew wider. Abruptly, I remembered what she'd done to James Potter last year involving boils, bunions and boxers, and grew much more nervous as she headed back down the stairs to stand beside me. "According to James, you're all Sirius ever talks about."

"To James?" I echoed dumbly, trying to remember the last time Lily Evans called the Head Boy by his first name alone, without some sort of insulting prefix. I came up blank, but Lily was talking again and I tuned in, figuring whatever advice she had for dealing with slightly-creepy-but-cute-and-kinda-adorkable-stalkers was going to come in handy.

Especially with the ludicrous plan forming in my head as I stood on the stairs, still bouncing on my toes, watching Lily with avid attention. "- miserable, apparently. He's quite deeply hurt that you think he's a joke, though I really can't blame you. Still, Sirius isn't all bad now, is he?"

"Try being me and saying that," I muttered.

Lily giggled, a genuine giggle, and I marvelled at the fact that I'd managed to do something socially right. I wasn't all that bad, but I really didn't have much luck relating to people my age. Comes from having a never-do-wrong Mother and a psychopath father, I think. "I know how you feel, trust me," Lily shook her head, her smile softening and turning decidedly fond. "But really, I've found that violence and outright rejection does nothing but make them want you more."

"Not with Sirius," I jumped in again. "In detention, we were-"

"Passing notes, yes, I heard about that," Lily's eyes darkened a little and I braced myself for the crux of the matter, the real reason she'd bothered to strike up conversation with me instead of allowing me to spill my heart out, offer a piece of lacklustre advice and be gone. "Look, I can't say much on the matter, just that... Sirius isn't trying to humiliate you; he genuinely, honestly, wants a chance. Even if you only last the duration of the wager- which, by the way, I do _not _approve of."

I couldn't help but grin at that. "I'm with you on that."

Grinning back, Lily reached over and petted my shoulder, but for some reason it felt more like a friendly pat, not like a patronising, _poor-little-Falca-doesn't-understand _pat. "He's taken to eating in the kitchen lately, James has been quite brutal in teasing him over you."

"Thanks," I muttered, feeling worse than before as my guilt resurfaced. I shouldn't be standing here talking to Lily when I _should _be finding Sirius and having out with him once and for all.

Lily nodded as I turned, and she caught my elbow before I could run away. "And one more thing," she said to my turned head, as I didn't want her to see me biting my lower lip. "Sirius isn't the only guy interested in you, Falca, so please don't do anything with him unless you're _one hundred percent _sure it's what you want."

She didn't linger long enough for me to reply, something I was vaguely thankful for. Did she take me for a total fool? Did she think I was just going to go along with... whatever... for the sake of someone else? Had she not been watching the developments between Sirius and me? I didn't do _anything _without a great deal of fussing, worrying, uncertainty, stubborn procrastinating. Besides, whatever progressed with Sirius from here was going to be strictly friendship.

That's it.

Nothing more, nothing less.

With that thought in mind, I strode determinedly for the kitchens, thanking Lily for the little titbit about Sirius dining with the elves to avoid James. The kitchens, if I remembered rightly, were in the third dungeon and down the second corridor, find the portrait of the dogs playing cards and scratch the poodle behind the ears.

My stride didn't falter as I made it to the dungeons, despite my skin prickling at the darkness pressing about on all sides. Something smelt decidedly _damp _and I shuddered, looking for the portrait. Where were those damned dogs? I whistled; stupid thing to do, I realised, as something ahead rumbled and barked. I jumped out of my skin, squealing, and turned on my heel to run straight to bed.

To hell with Sirius! I'd fix things in the morning, when _whatever _was in those dungeons stopped _chasing _me! Out of breath and terrified, I hardly noticed when I made it to the first dungeon- the brightly lit potions corridor- that someone melted out of the shadows directly into my path.

I only noticed how comforting it was to have a strong pair of arms around my shaking shoulders, and that whoever was holding me smelled very, _very _good. Slowly, I had the courage to look up... and Sirius Black's grey eyes were looking down at me worriedly, his hands rubbing circles on the small of my back.

"Falca?" he whispered, brushing a strand of hair off my face and straightening my glasses. "Are you alright?"

How did he find me? Why does he smell so good? Why is he leaning down- oh god, he's going to- no, he's pinching an eyelash off my cheek- his _breath _smells good, what is it with these boys- his lips look so soft, I wonder what he'd do if I touched them? They're so close, he's filling my sight, my smell, my hearing as the blood rushed through my ears.

It was the adrenaline, I told myself later. Nothing else could possibly have made me do what I did next.

I flung my arms around Sirius Black's neck and kissed him full on the mouth. After standing still for a second, he pressed back and suddenly he was _everywhere, _more everywhere than he'd ever been before even though I was fairly sure the only part of his body that moved was his lips against mine.

It was the adrenaline, I'm sure it was. I mean, I didn't kiss him for any other reason now, did I?

Nope. Definitely not.

But my skipping heart might beg to differ.

Oh, bollocks.

* * *

><p><strong>There's another poll up on my profile, if you're interested. My muse has been kidnapped by several other fandoms, and I would like to know which you'd like to see me dive into next! It won't be for a while, or at least until My Fair Lady and Fracture are done, but at least I'll know which to work on most during my off time.<strong>

**Thanks again for sticking with me, even though it's been a two month wait for this chapter. I won't promise to do better, because I don't want to run the risk of breaking it and/or posting a crappy chapter. See you all soon! MSx**


	11. Eleven

**So, here it is! A long-awaited (by some) update to the world of Falca Evergreen. Here is the aftermath of The Kiss... **

**Thank you so much for the lovely reviews, I'm dedicating this chapter to you all. Without your continued support despite my lazy updating habits, Falca's story would never get told. So, to you, reviewers, and to all of you who have added me to your favourites/subscription lists!**

**-[-]-**

**Eleven**

I took a step away from Sirius Black, who looked as dazed as I felt. For all his pomp and glamour, he really was a good- wait, what? No, no, no, no, NO! What the _sodding _hell did you do? WHY DID YOU KISS SIRIUS SODDING BLACK, FALCA!

"Well," he said, snapping my attention to him. My hands started to shake as I did a funny little shuffle-dance, half wanting to flee and half wanting to inform him that it wasn't what he thought it was... I kissed him for pure adrenaline, yes, that's it. Absolutely no underlying feelings there at all, none whatsoever. My eyes darted from his lips to his hair to my feet, the wall, the interesting speck of dust floating over his left shoulder. Pretty much _anywhere _but his eyes. Dear Merlin, he's smirking at me! _Don't _smirk, Sirius! My stomach performs severely strange flips when you smirk like that... not entirely unpleasant either... "That was fun. Not bad for someone who hates me either," Sirius grinned, winking at me.

I started to smile back, then realised that by doing so, I'd be damning myself. Smiling would indicate that I liked kissing him- _I did- _and that I'd like to do it again- _I do- _and that I maybe-possibly-perhaps have more-than-hatred feelings for him- _which again, I do. _Dear _Merlin, _I'm in trouble... I did like kissing him, more than I should. He smelled so good, tasted even better and looked like bloody Adonis, bollocks to anyone who says otherwise. Was that me laughing? No, no way, I couldn't be smiling and about to- "I don't hate you," I heard myself say. Is there something wrong with your ears, Merlin? _Why _do you insist on allowing me to make a complete sodding fool of myself?

Sirius snorted in disbelief and jerked his head for me to walk with him. How can he be so _calm _about this? He's acting like it's everyday some girl throws herself at him and snogs him senseless... hang on, he's _Sirius, _so they probably do. Bollocks. I can't believe I'd just kissed him- my _first kiss _too!- and he wasn't... doing _anything _I expected Sirius Black to do. Wasn't bragging, wasn't smirking, wasn't teasing. "I've been thinking," he said suddenly as we turned down a hallway I'd never seen before. Not surprising; the extent of my desire to explore the castle was limited to finding where my classes were. And as for going into the dungeons, well... if I wasn't fooling around in potions, I wasn't in the dungeons. Slytherins scared me silly...

"Hope it didn't hurt too bad," I muttered, my mouth firing off before I could stop it. Sirius let out a bark of quiet laughter (he has a very nice laugh, by the way) and tickled a pear on a painting of a bowl of fruit. The pear giggled, I rolled my eyes, and the painting swung inwards to reveal the kitchens, full of bustling house-elves and the delicious smell of food. The exact place I'd been looking for to begin with... I turned to Sirius, who was waiting for me to precede him through the doorway- _gentleman!- _and placed my hands on my hips. "How did you-"

"The elves warned me," he interrupted smoothly, his voice dropping about sixty octaves and making my heart leap to my throat. The sound of the slight growl in his tone set something in my stomach on fire, and I shifted uncomfortably to get rid of the feeling. Sirius lead me into the kitchens and to an off-centre alcove, where a table was set up with four settings, and the rest of the Feast just waiting to be eaten.

Was he expecting company? James and Peter and Remus, perhaps? Maybe this is where they disappeared to whenever they didn't eat in the-

Oh God. Oh Merlin. Oh sweet _Godric's _third lace hole...

Remus.

The boy who didn't exactly hide how proud he was of my not bowing to Sirius.

The boy who, whenever he smiled, made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in a pleasant shiver.

The boy who treated me as an equal, not as a potential conquest. Not that Sirius was doing that now, but in the beginning-

Never mind. Remus... what would he say about me snogging Sirius? I couldn't exactly pretend it never happened... I snogged Sirius Black and was now having dinner with the aforementioned Sirius Black. That actually has a nice ring to it, doesn't it; _I snogged Sirius Bla-_

_Focus, _Falca! Who I snog isn't really any of Remus' business anyway, but I bet he'd be disappointed when he hears about his. I have no doubt that he _will _find out- Sirius isn't going to keep it a secret, is he, that the girl he's been chasing for little under six weeks now has _finally _caved to pressure-

"Falca," Sirius brought me out of my fretting and- he's got a chair. He's holding out my chair and how long has he been looking at me like that? Hang on... is he... no. Sirius Black doesn't _blush, _much less around a girl. Much less around a girl like _me. _I'm so far removed from his usual type, it's like Mercury trying to date Pluto. Or Apollo trying to date Zeus. Just doesn't happen! "Falca," Sirius repeated, and I could see him rolling his eyes as he smiled and shook the chair, silently telling me to sit down.

I stopped wringing my poor hands and obeyed, my heart hammering painfully against my ribcage as if longing to burst free. "Thanks," I murmured.

Sirius nodded and sat beside me. "So," he said, looking a bit uncomfortable. Which made me nervous. Which made him smile. Which made me- "I'm sorry." I nearly choked on my own tongue trying to reply but he held up a hand, cutting me off as he leaned forward and met my eyes, his holding nothing but stark honesty. If he'd shown me this side of him to begin with, I might've reconsidered my initial refusal... foolish boys. "I've been a total prat. A complete git, a thoughtless tosser-" I nodded, agreeing with a smile, and he stuck out his tongue sheepishly- "But I wanted to make you a deal. If you help me win this bet with James, I'll help you pass Potions."

I was silenced, weighed down by my own thoughts. Could I do it? It was only really another five months, and then there was still three or four weeks before graduation that I could use to slip back from Sirius Black's girlfriend to the weird kid with glasses. But could I stick it out that long, for just a passing grade in Potions? Sure, it would mean the world to me- with a pass in Potions, I could chose _other _professions other than Animagus specialists in the Department of Mysteries. I could become an Auror! A healer! _Anything!_

Sirius was gazing at me hopefully now. Waiting for my reply, hanging off every bewildered and confused and indecipherable look I shot his way. Did winning this bet really mean so much to him that he'd sacrifice the majority of his last year with _me? _Did passing potions really mean so much to me that I'd sacrifice the rest of my last year of quiet learning?

I bit my bottom lip, drawing the entire thing between my teeth and biting down hard enough to ache. My eyebrows furrowed and my heart stopped beating, my hand extended and I took Sirius' in my own. "Deal," I said firmly, shaking his hand. Merlin, I hope I mean it...

-[-]-

Sirius and I parted ways at the bottom of the stairs to our dormitories. He asked if I'd like him to kiss me again and I couldn't say no fast enough- instead of being hurt, like I thought he'd be, he simply laughed and pecked my cheek before darting up to his bed. I waited until I heard the door slam before running and throwing myself on the lounge, staring into the dying fire.

And this is where I found myself many hours later, stiff as a board after dropping off to sleep. With groans and a few muttered curses- _damn, sod, bollocks, prat- _I rolled to my feet and limped towards the stairs, rubbing my bum and giving a screech as I saw myself reflected in the glass of a portrait of Godric Gryffindor that guarded the stairs.

"You look a right mess, love," the Founder informed me. I ignored him as I dragged my fingers through my hair and made it slightly less gargoyle-esque, not that it made any difference. I had the pattern of the lounge material indented into half my face and my glasses were bent askew again, my eyes were bloodshot and whenever I turned my neck too far to the left, pain shot from my ear to my fingers.

Well, I thought glumly, at least nobody's going to care enough to look at me closely.

I smiled at the thought and started up the stairs, trudging slowly and quietly so I wouldn't bump into anybody. Getting a few hours proper sleep before Potions would be a good idea, because I was going to have to inform Professor Slughorn about partnering-

Crap.

Sirius.

Kiss.

Potions.

Bet.

I froze, the events of the night before running through my addled brain and sorting themselves out into slightly proper order.

Lost on the way to the kitchens. Sirius found me. I kissed him. He's now my boyfriend for the duration of the bet. He's going to help me pass Potions. I'm going to help him win the bet. Remus is helping me pass Arithmancy. Remus maybe-possibly likes me. I maybe-sort of- possibly like Remus, but I maybe-obviously-possibly like Sirius too. Remus won't be happy when he finds out Sirius and me, and may stop helping me in Arithmancy.

You know, after six and a bit years of being friendless, I didn't think I was missing out on much. But I've found in the last six weeks that having someone to talk to in classes, someone to sit by at lunch, someone to help me study for tests is quite pleasant.

And now, I could lose the first friend I've got. Because of a bet that didn't necessarily have to include me at all.

"Bollocks."

**I have a little favour to ask. I have another poll up on my profile page, so if you're feeling bored and have a moment or two to spare, go have a little vote on it. And as always, I hope you enjoyed the latest instalment of My Fair Lady.**

**Until next time, MisfiredSynapse.**


	12. Twelve

**And here it is, as promised! The first chapter narrated by the one and only Remus Lupin! I'm a little apprehensive about this chapter actually, as I'm not sure if I got everything flowing smoothly enough to make sense. This is a test, in a way, to see how well it's received. If people like the Remus-narrative, I'll throw in a couple more Remus-chapters. Otherwise, I'll stick with the amazing Falca, who is much too impatient for her own good. She wants the 'good bits' to start- which, believe me, they are.**

**Allons-y!**

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><p>Twelve<p>

If someone asked me what made me notice her in the first place, I'd have no clue what to say. For me, there's no clear-cut way of saying it was just _her, _she did it. All of her. From the flyaway ends of her frizzy, curly dark hair to the way she nibbled her lip when fussing over an equation or the way her cheeks tinged pink when I told her I liked her eyes- which was a lie, because I _love _her eyes-

It's just not that simple. I can't pick a defining moment in time where I thought 'hang on, that's the girl' or anything, but I do think it's been building up for a while. So, you ask, why have I not said anything to her? There's several very good reasons for that, number one being my best mate, Sirius Black.

Who really is an enormous jerk when you come to think of it. He's just come bursting into the dormitory, his face lit up like a Christmas tree, and is currently dancing with an old jumper that used to belong to James. Don't ask me why it no longer belongs to James- let's just say, this is not the time nor place for _that _horror story. And no, the 'time and place' will not occur in the next century, so don't even try.

James is chucking a pillow at Sirius and Pete's just emerged from the bathroom, nodding to me to signal that it was my turn. We- Pete and I, that is- always used the bathroom at night, otherwise the selfish gits who call themselves our friends use up all the hot water in the mornings so we're all late for class. Unless we go to the lower floors for a shower, which is _not happening- _have you seen how teenage boys regard cleanliness? That is to say, unless they're me, cleanliness is in the same boat as vegetables and don't-throw-dungbombs-at-teachers-even-if-they-are-ghosts-and-can't-feel-it.

Now, I should probably come around to my point sooner or later. This girl, the one I've got my eye on, had my eye on for a while now. She's only just started to come out of her shell a bit and really, I can't hate Sirius altogether because nobody had any idea what I wanted because I never said anything and- ahem, sorry... I have a big gob, apparently. This girl- won't say her name just yet, you'll find out soon enough- is probably the only girl I'd ever consider dating while in school. If I dated. Which I don't.

I'm sure there are plenty of lovely girls out there who would just _die _to be with me, perfectly lovely girls- who are all cut from the same mould. Sirius has gone through his fair share of them- darn him- and James gave of the impression of it, though we all knew the furthest he's gone was Missy Butler sticking her hand up his kilt last summer. Don't ask about the kilt; just don't. It's in the same basket as the jumper-that-shall-not-be-named.

Right, back on track, stay on track, Remus... there I am, standing as nonchalantly as they come in the bathroom, squinting my eyes at my reflection to try and see if I can see myself as attractive. Maybe if I tilt my head this way a little bit? Nope, that's worse, definitely worse- Merlin, is my nose really that big?

"Falca kissed me," Sirius' voice floats in through the closed door and it makes me freeze. It shouldn't, because Sirius has kissed plenty of girls and they've all had a go with him, but I couldn't help but notice just _who _had kissed him. Falca? As in, little Falca Evergreen who was oh-so-determined not to fall for Sirius Black? _My _Fal- I mean, my _friend _Falca? "In the dungeons-" oh God, do I even want to hear this?

Apparently, my body likes ignoring the pangs of my heart and the screaming of blood in my ears as I crept closer to the door, listening intently, waiting to hear the punchline of the joke. Please be a joke, _please. _It's not fair- the first girl I ever seriously start eying off gets pulled into the butt of Sirius' stupid bet with James. And then- _then- _while I'm busy giving her support in fending him off and all, she goes and sets a match to all that by kissing him.

"Yeah, right," James supplies, speaking my thoughts exactly. Pete guffaws from his bed and Sirius is sure to laugh and blow the situation off as a joke, so I can go have my shower in peace now, knowing that nothing happened and Sirius is still sulking over being rejected and Falca's still the victorious, free-spirited- why hasn't Sirius laughed yet?

Cautiously, I crack open the door and see James and Pete sitting on their beds. I can't see Sirius and I thank Merlin for it, because his next words make me want to storm out there and punch his pretty head in. Or set it on fire, again, like I had the last time he accosted poor Falca in the hallways. Hadn't he gotten the hint then? That she was mi- I mean, I wanted to prote- _I mean, _I didn't want her to get hurt, yes, that's why.

"She got scared by the dogs," Sirius is telling his tale and I'm only half listening, trying to devise in my head a suitable way of writing his death off as an accident. Perhaps I could _transfigure _him into a mouse and put him in Lily's bed? Poor Pete still squirms after the last time she caught him in Wormtail mode, sneaking in to nick her knickers for James. "She ran, found me- and I swear, James, this is the best bit-" Cover your ears, Remus, for the sake of your bleeding heart! Cover your ears, boy! – "- she just did this funny little jump thing, and full on snogged the breath out of me. In all, it wasn't the best snog I'd had technique wise, but she's got potential-"

I slam the door, fuming. I run the water on freezing cold, still fuming so bad little bursts of steam rose from my skin, hissing. I scrubbed my arms and legs and chest and back so hard I nearly bled, taking my anger out on myself. Still fuming, you see. I'm a reasonably even-tempered lad by any means, but that little speech just had me. Grabbed me by the gut and tossed me off the Astronomy Tower, left me hanging for a little while in agony then finally brought me back up to start again.

It wasn't fair. _One girl. _Just one! Just Falca! My little Arithmancy buddy, the girl who makes an otherwise dull lesson interesting, just by sitting three seats away and chewing on a sugar quill, occasionally giving the professor a dark look when he put a more complicated sum up. Falca, the girl who catches my eye when she's doing nothing but reading, curled up in a corner of the common room like the rest of the world doesn't exist.

The girl I've seen dancing in empty classrooms numerous times- she doesn't do that anymore, but she used to. She used to hide herself away between lessons with a handful of food, open her favourite book to her favourite scene, and she'd _be _it. Beautiful, stunning, mesmerising- she never caught me watching her, thankfully, because I couldn't look her in the eye without asking her _why _she never let anybody see her shine.

Sirius wouldn't even know she exists if it weren't for me! If I didn't point her out pathetically, hoping they'd cajole and threaten me into talking to her- pathetic, aren't I?- so I'd have an excuse. Not brave enough to go up to her on my own, even when she's squeezed herself into the tiniest nook of the Three Broomsticks and shoots the rest of the world furtive, deer-in-headlights glances.

Finishing the shower which did nothing more than clean my skin, I yank my robes back over my head. I'm not sleeping in the dorm- screw them. Screw Sirius and his stupid, _stupid _fixation with Falca. Screw James for _giving _it to him. Screw Pete for- well... whatever Pete had done. Not backed me up when I begged them not to choose her, that's it. Screw Pete for that.

"You hear the good news, Moony?" Sirius asks as I storm through the room, all fire and brimstone and shaking hands. My wand is on my bed- it can stay there, I'm useless without it, and I don't want to kill him. Quite. "She's finally come out and admitted it- she loves me!"

"You," I spat, staring at him with wide eyes, flaring nostrils and wishing suddenly it was the full moon so I'd have an excuse to hurt him and not need to beg for forgiveness. "Are the most despicable human being I have _ever_ had the misfortune of meeting!" With that, I make my grand exit- still fuming!- and slam the door behind me- to great effect, may I say, as there's a boy a level down giving me a worried glance before scuttling out of sight. Lucky for him.

"Blimey, what's got his knickers?" I hear Sirius ask from behind me, muffled by the wood. Turning around, I place a hand on the doorknob, intent on giving him a piece of my mind, when James saves me the trouble.

"Well, _mate, _I think it's got something to do with the fact that this-" I can picture him tossing his hands about, ruffling his hair like he does when he's stressed- "is somehow connected to the fact that our little scheme as just gone awry."

Hang on.

Their scheme was for Sirius to date a girl for six months. Be faithful.

If Falca's agreed- gotten to _snogging _him already- then things are fine.

Awry?

"It's not like I asked her to, Prongs!" Sirius snaps back. I lean against the door and listen hard- this conversation is much more interesting now. "She just jumped at me!"

"And did you say no?" James fires back, angry now. "You've successfully messed everything up-"

"I like her!" Sirius blurts out- my heart freezes over. "I'm sorry for feeling, James, but I _like _her!"

And then, the most wonderful thing to ever happen in the history of Wonderful Things Involving Me, Remus Lupin, happens. In fact, it's such a wonderful thing that it really should be titled A Wonderful Thing, with capitals and all, and be listed on Pete's list of Brilliant Things I've Said/Done/Eaten. They're only five little words, nothing to get all excited about, but for me, I swear, the heavens opened and a choir of angels descended to sing the praises of Peter William Pettigrew- and all he said was; "So you're pinching Moony's girl?"

Pete's the best mate any bloke could have.

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><p><strong>I hope I succeeded here! I was trying to go for really being inside Remus's head, which is much harder than I anticipated! I mean, how do I know what 17 year old wizards think about? But, trepidation aside, I nonetheless hope you enjoyed this little foray into the mind of everyone's favourite werewolf.<strong>

**x MS**


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